Untethered

How do I avoid writing a downer when my husband is residing 4 miles from home in a place of many euphimisms.  Officially it is called a Guest Home.  It is also referred to as a residential facility, assisted living, rest home or the ubiquitous description- a nursing home.  He hasn't nursed yet, as near as I can see. 

He is a guest though, paying monthly for the privilege,  and he rests a lot, needing assistance for many things since his mobility is limited.   The staff is kind, gentle, resourcefull and efficient.  I am grateful that they are able to take care of his needs.   His health challenges have become beyond my strength and ability to be his sole caregiver.  

I see him every other day, sometimes more often, and guilt and sadness are my constant companions as we cope with this new normal existence. He has some dementia but most of the time he has a grip on reality.  I read to him when I am there and usually eat lunch with him in the main room where we sit with a trio of women who seem to have accepted me when I join them.  We laugh a lot.

Example:  Just today as we were seated Des asked me if I brought enough money with me.  He can't seem to accept the fact that lunch is part of the deal when I join him.  So, I said that I had plenty of money because I robbed a bank on the way over.  The ladies laughed,  He frowned and said to them,  "see what I have to put up with" 

Of course, neither of us ever expected to be in this separated existence after41 years of marriage.  I hate it.  He would rather be home. I miss him and it seems we are stuck on  a plateau with no map for the future.  I wish there were a support group for someone in my position, neither here nor there, untethered and feeling the ground shifting beneath me. 

Since I avoided sending out our Christmas letter this year, consider this our Christmas greeting.  We send love and hugs to friends and family.   Keep the prayers coming.  We feel the warmth and love coming our way in the many Christmas greetings we have already received.  I read them all to Des and it cheers him. Nex time I'll update you on our growing family. great grandkids popping out all over the place. 

So says Sassy

Comments

[Gale Hartman]

Ann;
Hang In there !
gale

[pauline]

you certainly have a way of couching some of life's most painful and grim circumstances into a manageable package for the rest of us...and we really can see inside the package to you and to your heroic efforts to make the best of things. and i'm sure that your gift wrapping of that package for us must help you to manage it in some ways also.
nice also to have a box that you can move into and out of as need be. hugs, pauline

[Nancy Raymond]

Dearest Ann, I know a little bit what you are feeling. That's when I joined Rev. Churck's group. It helped to be with other women with the same situation. There may be a group at one of the hospitals or they could recommend a counselor for your situation. I will be sending an email that may give you a chuckle. Love ya, Nancy

[Robbin]

Hi Mom,
This is definately another very tough time of the year for both of you. I can understand how you must miss him. He is there but not really. I miss him too and am greatful for the calls and for hearing his voice now and then. I wish I could help you. Please remember, I am only a phone call away and I will be happy to listen to you any time.

Love,
Robbin

[Patti Jaeger]

Hi Ann,
Suzanne keeps me updated pretty well. I know this transition must be very hard to adapt to. You two are strong and have made it through many of ruff challenges. I pray you find peace in this ever changing journey.
We think about you often.
Love Patti