Ann Shields on Letting Go

The choir sang a rousing rendition of Battle Hymn of the Republic in church today, and my mind flashed to the Civil War where soldiers spilled blood on battlefields in this country. Hard to fathom. Even harder to fathom is the ever rising toll of our soldiers still fighting 'over there., War is hell, we are told. So is getting old, What's worse is wondering what life will be like for my great grandchildren. Probably our Civil War veterans wondered the same thing. And the cycle of life goes on. Maybe peace will be our legacy. Anything less is lunacy.

The Power Of Won't

Lately, my will power is as flabby as cooked spaghetti.  On the other hand, my won't power is alive and thriving.  Since there is no 12 step program for this problem, I am here to deal with it.

Take the discipline of exercise.  I love water aerobics, but haven't been there in  over 6 weeks.  How come?  Well, doctor's appointments, vertigo issues, and other reasons.   My husband, who is fond of quirky sayings, told me once that an excuse is a reason stuffed with a lie to get your own way.  Ponder that.

To my credit, I still go every Tuesday to the gym where my personal trainer keeps adding weights to machines where I hang from bars pulling my arms out of sockets while he smirks.  I vow to go other times on my own, but get distracted folding laundry as I check out Oprah's countdown finale.  Procrastinaating is first cousin to 'won' t power. My latest mantra.

Some left over resolutions have slipped into the 'won't' category after languishing in the 'didn't do' file.    But that's typical.  My gratitude journal is skipping days now and then and tons of photos are scattered among jpg files I vowed to organize like yesterday.

What about the three novels I never got published and planned to redo and publish online through Lulu or Blurb?  Not to mention other writing projects taking up space in my head.  About the space in my head, it gets cluttered with Breaking News disasters and tabloid junk like Arnie's cheating on Maria, which was a no brainer to begin with.  Isn't there some mental leaf blower to scatter distractions to the wind?   

 Will power used to be my best friend.   It got me through big and little fears from agoraphobia to flying.    Here's a few goals for life in the here and now.  I can do it.   I will.

Listen to music....write poetry;  be a 'hope' encourager; eat healthier; declutter..rid meaningless stuff ; higher tolerance for frustrations and disappointments; stay in the present; deepen my faith; remember that life is not how it should be, but how it is, so deal with it.  Memorize the serenity prayer.

So says Sassy

Highs And Lows

I blog because I find out what I have been thinking.  The reason I haven't blogged lately is because my thinking is scattered.  So many highs and lows the past two months  just when I begin to write about my first trip to the Chumash Casino, I begin to worry about a grandson traveling the world couchsurfing in foreboding countries. 

We have had visits from family members who turned a bramble brush of weeds into a pristine garden with tomatoes and green beans ready to grace our kitchen any week now.  Not only that, but they made Des cinnamon rolls to die for and a gluten free pecan pie I am still salivating in memory.

I won't detail health challenges in our household.  Hint--it isn't the cats.  Hopefully things will get better. If not,my husband loves to say cheerfully, 'sudden death, sudden glory.'  It doesn't amuse me.

This week's low was the realization that my hoped for trip to Italy is relegated to wishful thinking.  After watching the video presentation of the scheduled trip in November, pal Donna and I felt hearts sinking slowly at all the walking in the little towns of narrow streets and hilly terrain. Not doable, we conceded.  I guess, cruising is my speed.  So back to the drawing board,.   Gotta work on what might be.  I hear Obama saying, yes we can, but I could too in Air Force One.  I did vote for him, after all.  Think I'll put him on my blog list.

The biggest Low was the loss of my sole/soul sister, Jeannette.  Still processing that.  She went so peacefuly with her fading breaths that I had to be glad for her.  Another of life's double edge swords.  Wishing her back, happy she has shed the wheelchair for wings.

Tomorrow is Mother's Day.  I will see son David and wife Barbara, granddaughter Suzanne and husband Ryan and the two greats-grandsons Lucas and Nathan for a time together mid morning.  But first,  I am a greeter at church so hope I can find my name tag.  I could always pin my drivers License to my lapel, you think?

Another year without my own mother, although she still reminds me to walk straight and cream my face to avoid wrinkles.  Too late, mom.   Even my daughter Judith can hear my mother tell her to put her shoes on.  I guess Italian mothers never truly fade away.  I sure would love just one more phone call from her, though, as long as I have on slippers.

So Says Sassy