Ann Shields on Letting Go

Riding The Guilt Train

How come I feel guilty when I haven't done anything wrong.  I look around and we have so much stuff and I see scenes of utter destruction.  It is called Breaking News and it is breaking our hearts.  Lives swept away in rushing waves and collapsing buildings.  Stuff piled high, once treasures and now rubble.

I wonder if this is like survivor's guilt, feeling fortunate to have escaped danger and disaster, but not able to be happy about it.anguished faces too much to bear, yet we watch anyway and wonder what it must take to survive the loss of everything and even everyone.  Too much sorrow, so I switch the TV station to something lighter.  Fiction stuff where the drama is made up and we don't have to worry about the characters. 

The problem here is that my husband is into reality stuff, like Axe Men, Swamp Loggers and Ice Road Truckers.   Truth be told, I kind of like them too.  I can't wait for Deadliest Catch and Gold Rush return with new episodes.  Even though the challenges are real, you know the camera will turn off if something disastrous happens.  The viewer is thus protected.

So, I guess the guilt that comes with empathy over the disasters of others is really inappropiate guilt.   We did nothing to cause this pain and suffering and neither did God, although some might argue that point.  I just don't believe in  a whimsical God who would wave a might wand and strike chaos indiscriminately. 

Okay, so guilt is inappropriate and unproductive.  What then?  Looking around at our own good fortune deepens empathy for the plight of others.  Gratitude is a poignant reminder of all we have,not just materially, but in the friendships, love of family, and the good fortune to live in freedom without fear of tyrannical leaders.  

 It is really the luck of the draw when you think about it.   We didn't choose our parents, our place of birth, or our economic beginnings.  But, we can choose who to trust, what to believe and who lights up our souls.  I stole that phrase from Pastor Mary this morning as she used it to light up our lives.

Anyway, I choose to dump guilt, which is all about me and, and will do what I can, where I can.  I think I'll start with taking two boxes of raisins to my great grandkids, Lucas and Nathan. They light up our lives and, by the luck of the draw, we get to see them just a couple of miles down the road.  How lucky is that? 

So says Sassy 

 

Kindle: Love at Second Glance

When I bought my Kindle, it was not love at first sight.  Planning a short trip on Amtrak to vist family in Portola Valley,  I decided to get one.  Poor excuse, but truth be told, I hated to be too far behind the curve on all things gadgety.  Friends who had a kindle ranged from luke warm to highly enthusiastic.  I still wanted one.

Kind of like I felt when I first saw Des giving a lecture on love to Prents Without Parents 40 years ago.    Seems like I wanted him too,  but wasn't sure why.  I reasoned that I had being doing okay on my own.  Likewise, I hardly needed an electronic gadget to read.  

Packing for my mini trip to see family, I tucked my Kindle in my purse and left all other books at home.  A scary adventure for a reader addict.  But there was a slight glitch on Amtrak's schedule.  I was dropped off at the station, waved goodby to Des and Cal who was my replacement to keep Des from climbing ladders, and sat in the waiting room for 5 hours due to problems back in L.A.

During that five hour wait, another passenger and I became best buddies so I never cracked open the kindle while my new buddy and I talked all the way through the trip's nine  hours.  Arriving at San Jose at 1:30 a.m. with Judith and Sam  wondering what happened.  Except for the fact that I was starving and they smelled like the 'N and Out burgers devoured during their wait, all was well.

Brief interlude here just to say that I loved seeing everyone, little Gracie was more enchanting than ever, and Judith and I had a great trip taking Sam back to his campus at UC Santa Cruz.   Beautiful surroundings and a deer strolling down the street as we waited for a traffic light.  More on the rest of the gang another time.

Getting packed to head back home, with my Kindle wilting from lack of attention, I panicked.  No real book to read on the ride home.  Yikes. Judith, not wanting her mother to have a meltdown,  dumped a paper sack full of paperback books and I snatched two of them for the trip.  Oh, Ye of little faith.  Yeah, yeah.

Since that time, I have learned so much about my Kindle that I am starry eyed.  I have downloaded all kinds of freebies, started reading a best seller, Alone, that was a freebie.  Mesmerized  by the pullup light that lets me read  in the dark, and on and on..........Oh, yes.  Get this.  My computur Guru, Randy taught me stuff that knocked me out.  My 3G whipsnapper can allow me to log on to my gmail account, can lett me hear audio books, and what can I say.  I am truly in love.  I just downloaded Scrabble for 99 cents.

To wrap up this essay on the merits of the Kindle and falling in love slowly, just understand that I couldn't get along without the Kindle and certainly could not imagine life without Des.  Who knew?  Go figure.

So Says Sassy